The Logistics of Dating

“When I met her, we were just friends,” he started.

“And we stayed friends for a long time, even though I felt like she liked me, and even though I liked her.  I couldn’t figure out why I felt like she liked me, only to watch as she would go hang out with other guys.  I’d be thinking, ‘I know she likes me!’ but I couldn’t figure it out.”

My friend sat, retelling the story of him and his now longtime girlfriend this afternoon.  He laughed as he recounted the memories.

She went on to date other men as he went on with life, until finally they were again brought together, where he finally learned her thoughts on what had been happening, er, not happening between them.

“She did like me,” he smiled, remembering, “she had liked me all along, but because her best friend liked me, she took the way of loyalty and bowed out.”

Dating.  Dating as a Christian.  It’s all very confusing and there seems to be only a vague roadmap.

·         You can’t date him, because he dated your friend. (Even though it was five years ago.)

·         He can’t date you, because his friend likes you. (Even though you have no idea and, even if you did, wouldn’t reciprocate.)

·         Y’all won’t date for fear of messing up the group dynamic. (Even though it’s only a possibility.)

I’ve watched for three years, trying to figure it out what’s important and what’s not, and I still don’t have any idea.  And it seems to be the same story throughout any church.

 “I feel bad for you,” he laughed.  “I am so glad I don’t have to go through that ever again!”

We play our loyalties out.  We let our fears win.  We not only shut doors, we hammer them closed.

Someone could like you and you would never know it.

The truth of the matter is, maybe it doesn’t really matter.

It doesn’t matter if there is absolutely no one at church you’re interested in dating.  To doubt that God has the ability (and desire) to bring you a significant other is like doubting His ability to part the Red Sea.

What I’m saying is not that He will do it for you, but that if it is truly in His will for you to be married you will not have to change churches, move cities, or give online dating a go, because the same God who rained manna from heaven, parted the Red Sea—what great big things He can do, He can do great little things, too.  God cares about the little stuff, and not that your heart is a little matter to God, because in fact He loves you very deeply, but if God can create the universe, create you, then He can just as readily bring your spouse seemingly out of thin air.

But only when the time is right.  And only if it is in His will.

This is all, of course, to remember that the point of our lives is not to be married (thank God), but that our lives are lived to glorify Him.

Whether or not we do that single or married, well, that’s all up to Him.  And we are to rejoice and invest in whatever He may give us.

As Bryan has recently been saying, “The grass ain’t always greener on the other side—it’s greener where you water it.”

So, where are you watering?

Instead take it and open the doors which God has placed before you.

Fear, a Refining Fire

Today was my final Friday.  (Not to be confused with next Wednesday, my official last day.)

The final Friday was emotional.  I am truly the most sentimental person I know.  I save scraps of papers from events, souvenirs from special moments—and just hold on.  Cling.

This is probably why letting go is so painstakingly difficult.

I cleaned out my station today (for less work to be done on Wednesday), and just examined my bare desk.

I scoured the tiny breakroom.  This little, dingy corner of space has served as a respite from the world.  A place where tears were shed and prayers were prayed.  It’s where I froze up after the breakup, where test results were received, and where the news of the miscarriage was given.

Emotional.  Sentimental.  Meaningful.

To add to the sentiment, Saturday will be my last day helping at Germantown Poplar, the branch where my career all began.  No longer will I be able to step behind the row as a teller.  The entire world is going to feel foreign.

Why does God trust me with this?

Because He does.

Because every day is a refining fire.

The more uncomfortable the situation, the more refining the fire.

It’s about to get real hot up in here.

And if God is giving me new challenges, that can’t be bad, right?  The more He entrusts me with, the more He must trust me, right? Psalm 18:30 says, “As for God, his way is perfect.”  And if I’m following Him, that means I’ve got the right compass, right?

Precious, precious Jesus who gave His life for me, let me do what must be done, to show my love for thee.

Following Jesus to the ends of the earth sometimes starts with a few practice steps down the street—or, to be more precise, a 40 minute drive downtown.

Four days and counting.

Go Up and Join This Chariot

You remember the night before the first day of school?

The butterflies in your stomach kept you awake.  As much as you tried to sleep, you just couldn’t.  Thoughts of the year ahead raced through your mind.  Would you like your teachers?  Would you be accepted into the popular group?  Would you make new friends?  Would the cute boy notice you?

Those butterflies—well, they translate through the years into adulthood.  They have the nerve—the irritating audacity—to follow you!

Ever since I turned in my resignation I’ve been feeling them flutter around.  Anxiousness over leaving and anxiousness over beginning have mixed together to form a girl living in the limbo of the in between.

A week from today my time at the bank will come to an end.  I’ll be reeling—a girl comfortable in routine and the expected, I may have an aneurysm when I turn in my keys.

The good news about nervousness is, just as it is with sorrow, it keeps you in need of Christ.  We need Christ all the time, yes, but, unfortunately, I find that nervousness is quite a good propeller.

Recently, I fell in love with a Subaru commercial.  You know the one.  A cute little blonde-headed girl holding her daddy’s hand before the bus arrives to take her away to school on her first day.  Dad lovingly watches her board, and before you know it, he has hopped into his trusty Subaru, driving alongside her.

Isn’t that an image of God?  He lets go of our hand, and watches us.  Crying when we cry.  Rejoicing when we rejoice.  But He does one better than the Subaru dad.

He’s doesn’t just drive side-by-side, but unto us He has given the Holy Spirit.

"…that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you, and will be in you."  John 14:17

The Holy Spirit just doesn’t sit beside us on the bus, but is in us.

Which, let’s face it, is pretty cool.

John 14:26 reads: “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”  And teach He does.  Encourage.  Convict.  Push.

In Acts 8:29, we see the Spirit pushing Philip the evangelist.

And the Spirit said to [him], "Go up and join this chariot."

Go up and join this chariot?  Okay, Holy Spirit.  Philip is aware of His presence and obedient.

And you know what?  Philip got to do some pretty cool things before he left this earth.

And by cool I mean he got to save lives.  Save.  Lives!

God gave me a chariot to board.

And God sent the Holy Spirit right along with me.  The forgotten God interceded during interviews, through assessment tests, through interactions—pretty sure He was there through everything.

And so after writing this, I’m not quite sure I am still so anxious as I was at this entry’s beginning.  I look upon all that He has already done to know that He is ahead of me already, having the Spirit guide me in the present as He walks ahead in my future.

Whatever chariot He’s asking you to board, He’s not expecting you to ride alone.  Not just beside you, but in you is He offering comfort as God sets your path before you.

“…He will give you The Comforter, that He may abide with you forever…”

And comforted, let us rest tonight to greet tomorrow not in anxiousness, but eagerness, with a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Say Yes to the Dress

“This would be a great dress for an interview.”

The thought sounded strange in my head.

It was February 2012, and I was visiting my parents in my hometown of Stockton, California.  We were shopping at a Target—because I’m pretty sure that’s all consumerist Americans do—and my fingers found the soft cotton fabric of a dress appealing to a business crowd.  Mostly black, somewhat fitted, it complemented my figure without being too revealing.

“This would be a great dress for an interview,” I thought—or, rather, heard—again.

The picture of my life in February 2012 was as such: occupied with working at a bank and mostly content, I had no intentions of searching elsewhere for a job.

But still the dress called to me.

Dad stepped behind me, “Whatcha lookin’ at, honey?  You like it?  Here, I’ll buy it.”  And so my dad bought me a dress that I eventually would wear almost exactly a year later.  To a job interview.  Almost a precise 365 days later, a friend would divinely come to me and present an opportunity, which I would be hesitant to take.

Preparing for a panel interview, I sought through my closet the night before (because we all procrastinate, right?).

And there hung the dress.  The dress I had fondly hung in my closet.  The dress awaiting this exact opportunity.

I heard God clearly.

“Wear the dress.”

And so with that, the decision was made, and a dress that was purchased a year ago by one father was worn for its ultimate purpose given to me by the Ultimate Father.

I cried today on my knees, my face touching the floor (my first mentor long ago taught me the sacredness of never being too low), realizing the journey God had brought me through—and not just brought me through, but brought me through.  A week from tomorrow I’ll be saying good bye to one chapter of my life and beginning another.

April 24, 2011

Five years.  I say goodbye to coworkers that have become friends—lifelong friends.  Temeco, my boss, has watched my entire walk with Christ.  She knew me before I was Christian, before I believed.  She experienced unsaved Jamie firsthand.  We’ve been through so much.  She’s seen me grow, in so many ways.  Professionally, spiritually, personally.  And I’ve seen her grow as well.  Gwen has become my best friend—a friend I never thought would have existed.  Over the course of three years, she was able to pull me from my shell.  Loving me and encouraging me.  Laughing at my jokes, being silly with me.  Day in and day out, we have laughed together and talked together and worked through life together.  To think that I will not see these women on a daily basis pains me.  And not to forget the men, DeAngelou has quickly turned into a brother I can rely on and trust, and my manager has given me a glimpse into a marriage of a faithful, committed loving husband who has also the capacity to care about his employees.

God knew a year ago I would need that dress.

God knew what I would need even before I was born.

A pair of parents to push me away.  A South drenched in religion.  A boyfriend to draw me in.  A life-changing circumstance.  A dress.

God not only knows and cares about the big details—but the small details, too.

And now here I am, closer to Him than I’ve ever been, but still farther away than I want to be.

Every day I want to draw closer to Him.  Every day I want to thank Him for his kindness.  For His sovereignty.  That He knows all and I know nothing, I know nothing without Him.  I want to know nothing beyond Him.

I praise God that He orchestrated every detail of my life.  That He’s here with me at all times.

I am probably going to cry uncontrollably a week from today, but it will be a mixture weeping of joy and honoring.  Honoring the chapter that was, that opened the doors to this next chapter, and joy for everything He has created my life to be.

I praise God not just for His gift, but for who He is, and am in awe over how very much He loves us.

“Faith does not say, ‘I see this is good for me; therefore God must have sent it.’ Instead, faith declares, ‘God sent it, therefore it must be good for me.’”

To Think; Perchance to Be Ambitious

I haven't written in a long time, much to the disappointment of my future self who will surely look back at this period in my life and grunt—yes, grunt—because of my failure to keep record of God’s challenging, rewarding, love-filled path for my life.

Friendships  God has continued to bless me with amazing people in my life.  Off the top of my head I can name several friends that have decided to invest in me.  I feel so love and encouraged by our time together.  God has also brought a few people back into my life who I believed were long gone, mending and fixing those relationships I had deemed lost.  I can’t justly describe the friendships He’s woven into the thread of my life.  Just that they’re there.  And I love them.

Dating  No one has pursued me since the end of the One Year Challenge.  Disappointing to some, but to me a testament to God that my attitude is so different from what it was years ago.  The bondage that once held me is gone, and while I am excited for God’s possible plan of marriage in my life, I am equally, if not more, excited for this time in my life.  Having time to invest and pour into the lives of others, and having time for others to invest in me.  This stage in my life has been great, and I’m enjoying it for all that it is.  I’m resting in God, in that place where I am truly satisfied if He’s the only husband I’ll ever have.  I spend every day as if I’m already married.  I am overjoyed and full of love resting in Him and spend every day pursuing His will for my life.  When that day comes, when I have a husband who is confident, who is a leader, who disciples young men, who serves others, who makes me laugh uncontrollably, and has his faults—I’ll praise God that day for another gift, for it will be one blessing to add to the many others He has already given me (including the gift of singleness).

Big life decisions  On April 3, I will be sobbing, I’m sure.  Ending a chapter of my life—an instrumental chapter.  Relationships will be changed.  The trajectory of my very life may be changed.  I’m excited.  I’m terrified.  I’m happy.  And sad.  So many emotions at once and I can’t even give God enough glory for this opportunity.

Family  Mom, Dad, and Brother are no closer to Christ than they were months ago.  This bothers me and saddens me, and I pray that God releases me of the guilt I feel and that it is in His plan for them to know Him.  I pray that I see them in Heaven, smiling as we worship.  It’s a dream that I hold onto, every day trying to release it into the hands of Abba.

Dinners  I have invested time and money learning to cook.  For Lent, I gave up eating out.  And, with the exception of Sundays, which is viewed as a celebratory day, I have been eating at home.  Which has been great just as is—but it’s even sweeter, because it’s propelled me into opening my home, having others over, and creating an atmosphere for intimacy that would not happen in restaurants.  These people see my home, see my life, and know that I have invested time and money into serving them.  Serving.  Serving is so important.  And it has meant so much to have people over after a long day of work, cooking for them, and them not having to lift a finger.  Not to mention, it’s healthier and cheaper than eating out.

Jamie  I read so much and so often.  My mind is constantly moving, thinking.  There is so much more I still want.  Some Jamie goals that I have:

·         Find an older woman to disciple me

·         Grow enough to be able to disciple young women

·         Learn to take care of myself

·         Release my idol of materialism

·         Be a woman who, when other women are struggling, they feel like they can come to me, because of my closeness to Christ

·         Be a woman who pursues Christ daily, not just His children

·         Be a woman who reads His Word daily

·         Daily quiet time and devotion time

·         Continuing to treat my body as a temple

·         Surround myself in groups of believers

·         Hang out with non-believers

At the end of my life, granted by God I live till I’m 80, what I want to see is a life lived as a servant to others.  As a useful servant of Christ, having relinquished my rights on a daily basis.

I look at the older women I admire.  What do they look like?

They can’t speak without scripture flowing from their lips.  They fight to honor and respect their husbands.  They host gatherings and cook dinners.  They disciple young women.  They have groups centered around prayer.  They seek out younger women.  They serve their community.  They fight to feel the love of Christ.  They evangelize.  They pursue.  They let themselves be used by God for God.

The easiest way to figure out what you want to do with your life is to figure out who you want to be at the end of it.

So…who do you want to be at the end of your life?