Friday, March 29, 2013

Fear, a Refining Fire

Today was my final Friday.  (Not to be confused with next Wednesday, my official last day.)

The final Friday was emotional.  I am truly the most sentimental person I know.  I save scraps of papers from events, souvenirs from special moments—and just hold on.  Cling.

This is probably why letting go is so painstakingly difficult.

I cleaned out my station today (for less work to be done on Wednesday), and just examined my bare desk.

I scoured the tiny breakroom.  This little, dingy corner of space has served as a respite from the world.  A place where tears were shed and prayers were prayed.  It’s where I froze up after the breakup, where test results were received, and where the news of the miscarriage was given.

Emotional.  Sentimental.  Meaningful.

To add to the sentiment, Saturday will be my last day helping at Germantown Poplar, the branch where my career all began.  No longer will I be able to step behind the row as a teller.  The entire world is going to feel foreign.

Why does God trust me with this?

Because He does.

Because every day is a refining fire.

The more uncomfortable the situation, the more refining the fire.

It’s about to get real hot up in here.

And if God is giving me new challenges, that can’t be bad, right?  The more He entrusts me with, the more He must trust me, right? Psalm 18:30 says, “As for God, his way is perfect.”  And if I’m following Him, that means I’ve got the right compass, right?

Precious, precious Jesus who gave His life for me, let me do what must be done, to show my love for thee.

Following Jesus to the ends of the earth sometimes starts with a few practice steps down the street—or, to be more precise, a 40 minute drive downtown.

Four days and counting.