“This would be a great dress for an interview.”
The thought sounded strange in my head.
It was February 2012, and I was visiting my parents in my
hometown of Stockton, California. We
were shopping at a Target—because I’m pretty sure that’s all consumerist
Americans do—and my fingers found the soft cotton fabric of a dress appealing
to a business crowd. Mostly black,
somewhat fitted, it complemented my figure without being too revealing.
“This would be a great dress for an interview,” I thought—or,
rather, heard—again.
The picture of my life in February 2012 was as such:
occupied with working at a bank and mostly content, I had no intentions of
searching elsewhere for a job.
But still the dress called to me.
Dad stepped behind me, “Whatcha lookin’ at, honey? You like it?
Here, I’ll buy it.” And so my dad
bought me a dress that I eventually would wear almost exactly a year
later. To a job interview. Almost a precise 365 days later, a friend would divinely
come to me and present an opportunity, which I would be hesitant to take.
Preparing for a panel interview, I sought through my
closet the night before (because we all procrastinate, right?).
And there hung the dress. The dress I had fondly hung in my closet. The dress awaiting this exact opportunity.
I heard God clearly.
“Wear the dress.”
And so with that, the decision was made, and a dress that
was purchased a year ago by one father was worn for its ultimate purpose given
to me by the Ultimate Father.
I cried today on my knees, my face touching the floor (my
first mentor long ago taught me the sacredness of never being too low), realizing
the journey God had brought me through—and not just brought me through, but brought me through. A week from tomorrow I’ll be saying good bye
to one chapter of my life and beginning another.
 |
| April 24, 2011 |
Five years. I say
goodbye to coworkers that have become friends—lifelong friends. Temeco, my boss, has watched my entire walk
with Christ. She knew me before I was
Christian, before I believed. She
experienced unsaved Jamie firsthand. We’ve
been through so much. She’s seen me
grow, in so many ways. Professionally, spiritually,
personally. And I’ve seen her grow as
well. Gwen has become my best friend—a friend
I never thought would have existed. Over
the course of three years, she was able to pull me from my shell. Loving me and encouraging me. Laughing at my jokes, being silly with
me. Day in and day out, we have laughed
together and talked together and worked through life together. To think that I will not see these women on a
daily basis pains me. And not to forget
the men, DeAngelou has quickly turned into a brother I can rely on and trust, and
my manager has given me a glimpse into a marriage of a faithful, committed
loving husband who has also the capacity to care about his employees.
God knew a year ago I would need that dress.
God knew what I would need even before I was born.
A pair of parents to push me away. A South drenched in religion. A boyfriend to draw me in. A life-changing circumstance. A dress.
God not only knows and cares about the big details—but the
small details, too.
And now here I am, closer to Him than I’ve ever been, but
still farther away than I want to be.
Every day I want to draw closer to Him. Every day I want to thank Him for his kindness. For His sovereignty. That He knows all and I know nothing, I know nothing without Him. I want to know nothing beyond Him.
I praise God that He orchestrated every detail of my
life. That He’s here with me at all
times.
I am probably going to cry uncontrollably a week from
today, but it will be a mixture weeping of joy and honoring. Honoring the chapter that was, that opened
the doors to this next chapter, and joy for everything He has created my life
to be.
I praise God not just for His gift, but for who He is,
and am in awe over how very much He loves us.
“Faith does not say, ‘I see this
is good for me; therefore God must have sent it.’ Instead, faith declares, ‘God
sent it, therefore it must be good for me.’”
