I don't think until today did I realize how depressed I've let myself become.
I went to church this morning for the first time in a couple months. If it hasn't been a couple months, it at least feels like it's been a while.
I was so depressed I was spending Saturdays in bed until after noon. And Sundays as well. Going to church was less important than staying in bed and not having to wake up to how I was really feeling.
It felt nice to be around people today. I realized sometime within the last few days that this might very well be my last Christmas in Memphis. Should I decide to move home to return to my family, I won't spend another December in this city. Which internally saddens me to no end, because I don't know if I'm meant to leave. I don't know what really is to come and so I'm living off what if's.
Relationships are not important to me. Romantic relationships, I mean. I honestly don't care if I never date. I'm not proactively looking for a husband right now. Life is too complicated with just Jamie as the main star of the show. Now, this isn't to say if my future husband comes along that I'll be any less excited to be with him. I will be happy and have joy. But as of right now I am happy and possess much joy over living life right now solely with the intention of following God as a single girl.
I live in the today.
I live for the day God has given me.
Today I am single. Today I am in Memphis. Today I have a roommate. Today I am banker.
This is what God has for me today.
I mold my life to be around God. I don't work God into my life.
