Had anyone endeavored to turn my One Year Challenge into
a movie, the audience surely would have been sorely disappointed.
Friends, strangers, advocates of my dating fast
anticipated a fast union with a husband God had formed straight from the
Heavens just for me.
Maybe even I was a little disappointed that no knight in
shining armor formed from the clouds and dove straight to earth, my payout for
a sacrifice to God.
But even if I thought that, it was only for a moment, and
I re-realized what I had known throughout the challenge, that I wasn’t doing
this for the reward of an awaiting husband, but to be closer to the God who
formed me, who loves me, who aches for me to be with Him.
I also realized that the OYC was only the beginning of a
life-changing shift for me. It was the
training wheels on a bike, a beginning step.
There’s a souped-up motorcycle in the end for me (no doubt Jesus is in a
leather jacket waiting for me), but for right now, there’s just a bicycle.
First step. Wean
me off dependence and expectations of an earthly man. Give me hope that I can survive without my
largest idol.
Second step.
Opening my eyes to the idols laying right beyond the first.
There are still large idols in my life. Much too large and overwhelming that on the
off chance that a man would pursue me, our relationship would still be damned
before its beginning because I haven’t wrangled the other bulls in my pen.
And I say this knowing that I’ll never step into a
relationship or marriage as a perfect person, but knowing that there are some
demons that must be dealt with before the altar—dealt with on the altar, given to Jesus, sacrificed.
If I can’t control my money now—imagine the wounds
inflicted on a hardworking husband.
If I can’t control my diet now—imagine the realizations a
husband will have sharing a home with a woman who secretly binge eats.
Figuring out these issues and others, working through the
sin behind them, that is what will bless a marriage home.
Me ignoring them and hoping that marriage will heal these—back
to square one of putting impossible expectations on a spouse that will only
result in a dilapidated home and diluted union with God.
As I watched The Bourne Legacy the other night, I thought of years and year ago when the Bourne series first
debuted.
The story of Aaron Cross was grafted from that of Jason
Bourne. One story led to another, which
led to another, which led to another, which led to another installment.
And I realized, just as Jason Bourne gave way to sequel,
such is the way of life, for upon every endeavor for Christ is a subsequent, but
equally important segment of a walk meant to mirror His.
As the great philosiphizer Jay-Z said, on to the next.
As the great philosiphizer Jay-Z said, on to the next.
