So, if I don't write, I think I'm going to go crazy.
The only problem is, this is going to be a very vague post, because it has to be. And in saying that, I want to confirm that this sadness I am about to share is not because of Trace. Usually when there is mention of any friction, people assume it's caused by the spouse (or future spouse in this case), that the honeymoon season is over, but in this case, that is not what is happening. It is not Trace. If anything, he's been my encourager, my constant support. So, in knowing that it has nothing to do with my future husband, I'll do my best to share with you what I can.
The engagement season in my life, the season that should be full of beauty and joy and laughter, has been tainted and poisoned with oppression and sadness. What should be a time of rejoicing has been smothered. And every day I feel like crying. Every day I pray for time to move on so that this is over.
I don't know how or why I've let my joy be so easily taken away from me, but there is so much negativity... I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm broken. I'm confused. And every day, it's a daily battle. I can't escape. I can't escape.
Why does God give us burdens we can't escape?
Why is this so severe?
Will I look back in the years to come and regret letting this despair consume my happiness?
Where you think you'll be in six months never seems to be where you land in six months. I never would have expected myself to be here. Struggling. Not enjoying my engagement.
