It was
the easiest decision I’ve ever made. Not to date for a year.
Suddenly, everything took a backseat to God. My
desperation took me to a place where nothing mattered, but listening to God. I
had listened to myself for the last 26 years, crying, complaining, fighting,
begging, pleading with men, pressing into them for my fulfillment.
I turned from man to God, and instead gave Him my
crying, complaining, fighting, begging, and pleading. In return for my pressing
into Him, He gave me direction, comfort, and love. All for which I had been searching was in His
hands, not mine. My life was never in my
hands. I was fighting to control something out of my reach. I had
to empty my hands to be able to reach for God, to be able to receive Him.
Being single for me was not just about being single. Anyone can “not date.” In fact, we all go through periods where we
don’t date. This was more than that. What was the true focus? It was about breaking my dependence on the
world, the men of this world, the desired love and acceptance from the world,
breaking my need for me or anyone else to fill a void that only God was meant
to fill.
The hardest part was dying to myself daily. The
easiest part? Dying to myself daily. I felt Him every day in my
life, working. All I had to do was say, “Yes.” ”Yes” every day.
”Yes” every minute. ”Yes” every moment, forgetting myself and my
desires, and concentrating on His will for my life.
It was hard. It was easy. It was bad.
It was good. It wasn’t about me. It was about me. Each
of these statements is true.
Seven months after the OYC came to an end, I met
Trace. It’s been a beautiful friendship and courtship. Being with
him is unlike being with anyone else. Why? Because I trained myself
for a year and seven months to seek God first, to trust God, to know His will
over my life. Where once stood an insecure girl, jealous and enraged, now
stands a woman who knows to Whom she belongs. And that, my friend, makes
all the difference.
If you do the OYC to get a guy, don’t bother.
God doesn’t want to make you better for another man. He wants you
to want Him. Him first, Him alone. Check your heart. Check
your motives. Do it because you know that God has your best at hand and
you want to grow to trust Him with all your heart.
If you go into this looking at what (or who) you’ll
get at the end, rethink it. Your focus is
warped. Trace came along seven months after the challenge ended. Seven months. But he came along at the right time—God’s
time. Not my time. Not by my standards, but His. And Trace is no trophy, no reward for “completing”
the challenge for my only reward is in Heaven (Matthew
5:12). But he is a blessing,
and, believe me, God wants to bless you. He hungers to know you and to love you. Instead of looking ahead, look up. Look up, seeking God without. Look in, seeking God within. Seek to let yourself be loved by God, and to
understand fully what that means.
In the beginning, it was a struggle. It can be a struggle to begin anew. But eventually the growing pains of “new” mature
from pain into wisdom. Now, feeling
complete in God and making decisions for my life based on Who completes me is
easier. I am living out all that I
learned, all that He taught me.
For you,
it may be drugs, alcohol, se, relationships, a husband, a dream—whatever idol
is on the altar of your heart, whatever you are finding your worth in, whatever
you’re worshipping, I promise you, as the girl who started from the bottom, now
I’m here!—that nothing competes with the feeling of being known and being loved
by your Creator.
Many
times, Trace and I wonder at generous hand of God—that He would bring us
together in such a way, at such a time, and only by His divine hand. We’re amazed.
But not with ourselves. Not
because of what we have. But only because
of Who He is.
Cast
your vision not on an imperfect person, but a perfect God.
Where’s
your focus?
