This whole dating thing,
it’s fun.
Not just because it’s
dating, but because I’m experiencing the fruit of two years of renovation and refinement.
Dating the first guy I’ve
dated since the inception of the One Year Challenge, circa 2011 (—thank you
again, Andy Stanley!), I am experiencing
God’s love in an entirely new way.
Reflecting on every tiny
detail to every large event, Trace is everything I’ve wanted, hoped for and
prayed for, and God even threw in some extras.
I didn’t know I’d love a man who loves board games, but God surely did.
I can physically feel God’s
hands all over this, in this, having personally delivered it on Day One and in
His continuing to shape it, day by day. There
really is no sweeter place than in the center of God’s will.
However, I write to tend
to this point today: God’s grand will for my life neither is met by nor completed
with my new love.
As much as I’ve grown to
love Trace, and I do, absolutely, one of the many things God has taught me is
our mission as Christians stays the same whether we are single, dating, or
married. When we start dating, it does not
mean I go from serving His Kingdom to serving only one person in His
Kingdom. This is an important aspect of
dating worth devoted meditation.
Due balance. Trace and I may see each other two to three
times in a week, if that. The desire is
there to see him daily, but my focus is to be beyond him—not overlooking him,
but enveloping him in a bigger algorithm.
The other four to five days of my week, I’m moving and shaking somewhere
else in the Kingdom. Working an eight
hour job, spending time with friends, serving in groups outside and inside of
church, and being discipled.
When I think on my current
state, I am in awe of all that which God has taught me. When it comes to the dating and not-yet-dating
stages of life, these are the lessons unfolded by God to me:
1.
Find yourself first. Whatever that looks
like, whatever that means, do it. You
will never be happy conforming to being that which pleases people. And if you don’t know who you are, you will
conform. Discover where your heart loves
to serve, what hobbies bring you joy or show you God’s love. Remove peer pressure. Be strong and do some stuff alone. Festivals, movies, plays. Being alone in these situations really trains
you to rely on God and enjoy His presence.
Remove the pressure from being “the girl a guy wants to date” and instead
be “the girl who loves God and receives His blessings with a thankful heart.” Be that girl.
Find. What. It. Takes.
To. Be. That. Girl. It
can take months. Or a year. Or three years. Or ten.
Whatever the cost, do it, because it’s worth everything to have the joy
of Christ reflecting itself in your life.
2.
Wait on God. Truly, this could be and
should be said at many intervals of our lives.
Definitely do it with dating. You
will never be more miserable than when you find or settle for someone out of
loneliness or desire. God will bring you
someone. Believe He can do it. Expect Him to do it. Not because you can demand gifts from God,
but because you have faith in your Father to deliver. Having faith is simply that, having faith
that our God is bigger than our biggest fears or concerns.
3.
Don’t lose yourself. When He lovingly
sees it fit to deliver that person into your life, do not lose yourself. After struggling to find yourself, to develop
yourself, you’ve invested in who you are.
Now, do always strive to be a better person, a better wife. Compromise is key and unavoidable. Actually, sacrifice is key and necessary, but
do not for the sake of finding love be a girl who folds for just anything. Do not become so involved in his world that
you lose your own. After all, it took
great effort from you and deep direction from God to define it.
I challenge any Christian
woman beginning to date, invest yourself and keep investing yourself in the
Kingdom before you begin dating, while you’re dating, and long after the ring
is on your finger. It’s not an
either/or. It is not, “Either I’m
serving the Kingdom or I’m married.”
When the love of your life is delivered by God into your hands and heart,
maintain Him as your focus. One of the
greatest ways to do that is to invest in realms outside of your dating
relationship.
If I were to disciple a
young girl, if I were to show her my calendar, she would see time set aside for
dating, for leadership meetings, for discipleship, for volunteer work, for
church, and for friendships. Because
those things bring me joy, she’d see a calendar ladened with devoted,
intentional time spent with others, both Christian and lost; time to myself;
and most importantly time with God.
While romantic love propels
us to reach farther and push harder, it is only by God’s undeniable,
unremovable, merciful love that our hearts, our hands, and our feet should be
truly compelled to move with the diligence and servitude that only His holy
love can cultivate.
Romantic love, while
seemingly the epitome of all love, is only but a part of the grand scheme of
God’s design for our lives. Precious all
love is—it is His love by which we were saved, and so the love to be honored
most of all.
