Normal siblings delight in being aunts and uncles, and
having an inseparable bond with one another.
Growing old together and enjoying what comes with age as a family.
Reading through Jodi Piccoult’s House Rules, I have read
each chapter of this fictional book with awe.
I’ve never met anyone besides my brother who has Asperger’s. I’ve never met another person who has to care
for someone with Asperger’s.
And the way Piccoult lays out chapter by chapter
developing the character of not only Jacob, but his mother Emma and brother
Theo and their lives as they revolve around Jacob, I don’t feel so alone. She has captured all my feelings and left
them sitting in these pages for me to discover.
“An ordinary mother doesn’t lie awake at night wondering
if Theo will ever accept his brother enough to watch over him when I’m gone.”
An ordinary sister doesn’t lie awake at night wondering
what will happen upon the day that she receives the responsibility to care for
her brother when their parents are too old, too weary. Dad and I sat and talked one morning recently
during one of my trips to California. He
spoke of what should happen if they pass.
The heavy weight of burdened responsibility sat on my shoulders.
“It’s not fair!” my
head cried.
“Other people don’t
have to think through their lives like this, taking care of someone with
Asperger’s. I never signed up for
this! I want my own family, a husband,
and a house where we can be a family.
Not a family plus Steven, a home that has to live in fear of meltdowns
and outbursts, and molding ourselves into his world to keep him
comfortable. A life of servitude! A life of slavery! I don’t want it!”
I cried these same selfish thoughts today, months
later. What sibling has to lay down their life for another? What sibling’s wants and needs are
overshadowed by that of their brother? I
cursed the will of God, the unwanted path for my life.
I cried, frustrated.
And God sweetly and simply reminded me of one of Bryan’s sermons where
he spoke of Jesus and his brother James.
James, a servant of
God and of the Lord Jesus Christ (James 1:1).
James recognized his brother’s title of God. “Now,” Bryan said, “my brothers and sisters
called me a lot of things, but God wasn’t one of them.” That’s an overshadowing title if ever there
was one for a sibling. And what title
did James give himself? The title of
servant. Only servant.
I read part of Lady in Waiting today and was struck by
concepts of singleness being precious.
Singleness is an enviable
condition. An unmarried woman has
something that a married woman gives up on her wedding day: extra time for
Jesus (p. 23)
The single woman can be
involved in the Lord’s work on a level that a married woman cannot because of the
distractions and responsibilities of being a wife and a mother (p. 18-19)
Although a single woman may
long for the “chaos” of a family, she must not waste her time wishing for
it. She must be diligent to use her
single time wisely now. She has more
control over her time and choices now than she will probably ever have again
(p. 18).
The day will come when my brother passes out of my
parents’ care and into my own. A heart
of preparation will be the best route to love him as much as I can. Today, I am single. And I have time to myself to grow in my
relationship with God without other distractions, and for a purpose. Every day is a conglomeration of different callings, but
all tethered to the cry of one calling.
Following Jesus.
If James can bow to his brother, The King, surely I am
called to bow to my own brother. The
brother God personally and lovingly bestowed upon me, entrusting me with a
child He loves more dearly than I can imagine.
Be very careful, then, how you
live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because
the days are evil. Therefore do not be
foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is (Ephesians 5:15-17).
