So, here I sit, in my dimly lit living room, warm cup of
coffee in hand.
I think a lot of men are going to be mad at me.
It’s only been a little over a week and the propositions
are rolling. What else is rolling?
Courteous dismissals.
One person for everyone.
Soul mates. If there’s only one
person for me out there, one person for whom God intended me, that means 99% of
men are not for me.
All it’s going to take is me saying yes to the right one.
Which means it’s also going to take me saying no to all
the not-right ones.
What has made this easier is being close to God. When I’ve been approached this last week, I
feel a gentle nudge.
No.
He is faithful, so far speaking to me clearly over the
men in my life. And I’m listening.
I’m listening because I know He’s faithful. After a year of focusing completely on Him,
after a year of feeling only His satisfying love for me, I know more than ever
how much I would be hurting myself to ignore Him, to stray from Him.
Among everything in life, dating is one more reason to
stay close to Christ. He’s keeping me
strong throughout this, and for that I am thankful.
Besides dating—er, not dating, life has been confusing,
sad, wonderful, amazing, and joyful.
·
My father
is still in unbearable pain and unrest.
No medication or change in amount of medication has soothed his ringing
head. Games of insurance and experiment
have left him waiting, seemingly in vain for relief. I miss my father. I miss my mother. I miss my brother. And if I think about them too much, I start
crying. And because I don’t want to cry,
I push thoughts of them away, and then guilt ensues. It’s a circle of pain and I just pray for
relief.
·
I have felt so blessed lately in the realm of friendships. They’re with people I never expected to be
close with a year ago. And then there
are the friendships that continue to deepen.
I’ve woken up for the last few days wondering to myself, “Is this my
life?” Concerts, shopping at Target,
catching up at dinner, eating frozen yogurt, watching Twilight, a comedy show,
listening to Nancy Holcomb, taking Christmas pictures, and a trip to Nashville
to see Opry Mills. God has given me
gems. Such precious gems. I don’t know how long these friendships will
be around, but I’ll enjoy them while they’re here. Such treasures!
·
Bryan Loritts and Nancy Holcomb make me want to memorize scripture. There are no words for how I feel when I
listen to someone talk and they speak appropriate and loving verses over
whatever is going on in life. I so
desperately want to memorize verses for myself and maybe whenever I’m talking
to other women in my life. Right now I’m
trying to memorize Psalm 105:1-6.
